I had all of my old journals safely hidden away in a fireproof document box that I had stolen from my dad a long time ago, all my notes and ramblings and ripped up journals were inside, and I planned on never opening the box ever again, in fact when I moved to the Little White House Where Infected Mosquitoes Dwelt, I locked said box and threw away the key,
...and buried it, in my back yard, among the row of Junipers that I planted, pretty li'l bushy evergreens that I hoped would grow fast, to hide my yard and cover up the hideous view that tormented me: a tractor, some logs, and a spiral staircase, laying flat on it's side. I was going to leave the box buried there in an effort to leave it all behind, that is until one night when my daughter's boyfriend came over and he had had a dream about Jesus, and he was sort of upset about some things and had some questions, so I asked him to help me dig up my box so I could read him my story, it took a while to dig it up, I held the flashlight and he dug, he was laughing and wondering what on earth does this have to do with anything, and I was like, just keep digging. Then he finally got to it and we got it up and I unwrapped it, it stank, even though I had it all wrapped in trash bags, 
...and I read him my story that night, and he accepted Christ. It was a really cool evening. And so, this got me to thinking, maybe I shouldn't have it buried? So I re-wrote it and condensed it and tweaked it and expanded it and made it just right (when I say tweaked I don't mean I lied about anything, I just made it flow better.) And that got the ball rolling in a wild and wooly direction, I started sharing it, and then all these things started happening, it was amazing, and long story short it all snowballed out of control until I landed here, in this very spot, with a laptop and no job, typing, telling you, whoever takes the time to read, what happened to me.
I sort of had to lean on a lot of people during the past year, but mainly God. When I was still on the seizure meds, about a month after it all happened (mental blowout), I had a brief vision of being held up by an angel, I was completely limp, and the angel stood right behind me with his/her arms wrapped around me, holding me in an upright position, and I was reminded of God's promise to me: "I will lift you up, I will lift you up.." Which turned out to be something completely different than what I thought He meant by that. As it turns out, all this time I've been writing, this past year, and I thought I was just getting it all out, not realizing what I was doing... but it's all come together, and it looks like I've accidentally started something. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIG UP THINGS THAT WERE BURIED????? Oh and I forgot to say, it was funny how I got the box open, I used a screwdriver and a rock. I'm sort of butch like that.
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on...
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on...
Just to come clean on my ultimate mission, so I don't feel so shady, I do aim to win souls for His Kingdom, and I'll never stop. I was shown in a vision in '05 a glass container, and beautiful gold round things were dropping in, one by one, and God said that they were markers for the souls that are being won ... yeah people, He's keeping track! Everything we do for him! So keep going already! EVERYTHING MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!
But then again there's days when I wish something would just come along and wipe me out and take me on home. And that's all I know for now. 
